I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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