I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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