**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
