all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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