Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
