I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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