Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
