hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
