Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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