Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
