i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
