I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
