I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
