he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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