wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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