tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
