in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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