my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
