My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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