I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
