after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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