I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
