I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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