On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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