I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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