Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
