he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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