No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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