Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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