Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
