Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
