Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
