I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
