If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it glows. i had to have it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
