My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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