I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
