That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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