i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
