I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
