yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
