best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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