At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
