Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
