Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
