you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
