Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
