I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
