I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
