Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
