Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
