don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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