Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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