Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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