im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
