HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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